Free

I am free to be doomed, if I wish. I am free to continue, if I wish. If you do not know my wishes then you can do nothing for me, for you may go against my wish. Though what some do I can not control and some wishes may not be granted. Through the screams of lives I will scream my wish louder, and if others raise their voices I shall too. (yes this doesn't make any sense)

Urge

Being put down, and ignoring it. But then breaking down myself later, crying in my bed, silently so no one could here, till I fell asleep. Then getting back up the next morning pretending everything is fine, as if I have never broken down. Because I know if I break down others will follow, and that's not me being self centered. But if I continue to never show what I feel, it will still hurt other. Mixed emotions become the urge, the strong urge to fix it all, but also the urge to make all the pain stop. But I would never give in to the urge, for it comes at the end of my break down, and when I'm starting to think clearly. I would never give into it, but find rational reasons to stop it from coming. I'd do the same for my friends, family, and any stranger I met, because no one should give into the urge.

Arguing

It builds from irritation, even from the littlest things that you don't think bothering you. Also comes from having something or some one threatened that you care for, or this may also be something of yourself or about feelings. What this arguing does is separate, destroy, and many other corrupted things. Many things are caused from arguments, but they can be overcomed, but most people are to stubborn to solve fights.

Depressed

I know that i might seem a little negitive sometimes, but I am not depressed in any way. I like the negative way to think, but I won't act on it. And just because when i'm sick and its pollen season, doesn't mean i'm depressed. My mom had brought this up when she sa i wasn't feeling good, but illness is not a sign of depression, is it? But the point is my way of thinking, or the fact that i'm tired after going to school and walking home while i'm sick, should not lead anyone to think i'm depressed.

Prying

I love people watching, just because it leads to insight. If you watch and talk to some one enough you can figure out there whole personality or if they're hiding something. But if you just watch and listen to everything and everyone around you, is that really eavesdropping? Or is eavesdropping listening intentually, rather than just using it as a sort of entertainment?

Laziness

I live in a world full of lazy people, who will either deny that they are or don't even notice. Some people claim that others are lazy and don't admit that they themselves are. I personally know that I'm lazy, and will easily admit it. But for the things that I truely desiar I will not let my lazyness get in my why, I will overcome it. Some no matter how much they want something won't get it because they refuse to give up their comforts.

Blue

Blue is the color of sadness, but is one of the most popular colors. Which says that deep down we all know we're sad, about something, anything. I love blue, it's deep and dark, but it can be light. It's a mix and can be what it wants.

Emo

Today i felt motionless and cold. People/friends called me emo, which to me is both a comment and a disgust. I don't want to be classefied, but i do like the main thinking of emos, although it would be nice to call them something that sounds better. But my sore throat and cold, or whatever illness i currently have, affected my mood great. But i felt nothing, when i laughed it seemed fake and i was indifferent to every issue that would have caused me to yell, which i couldn't because of my sore throat. I was unable to hold my mask up and was left wide open, which sacres me now to think of. But I love my life with out my mask, but will i ever be able to take it off again?

Fat?

People keep saying i'm skinny, yet my family calls me fat(or at least one person). But why does it even matter? It's not like i'm going to die if I don't care about my looks enough to do more exercise. So I don't like sports enough, like some people are convinced, everyone else in the world does. Why does it even matter what we look like? It's not going to change how we live our lives, because if I really want to do something I will.

Issues

Everyone seems so worried about all the issues around us, yet no one cares. We'll talk about how worried we are about all the things going on with the world, but what are we doing about it. I'm not doing anything eaither, but at least I know I really don't care. I know it won't affect my life time, so I don't worry about it. I will give a dollar to the salvation army or for the uganda project, but that's as much as i care for any of it. It seems that alot of people are like that, there are few who care anymore. They try to convince me to care about things that have nothing to do with me, so they won't get me to care. Yet my heart still pulls away at the thought of children younger than me going out to war or watching their parents die in front of their eyes. I can't really decied if i care or not.

Loveless

I'm fine without some one to love, but that does not mean I do not yearn for it too. I am fine alone, but some company from some one other than my friends would be nice, a fresh new perspective. Some one to know me for who I am, and apperciate me all the same. But that is what everyone wants, so I will sit and wait my turn, because as I typed, I'm fine alone, for now.

Tired

I get so tired when my mind has nothing to think. When I have nothing to preoccupied myself with I start to slip. I slip into a luning sleep where I can remove my mask. Sleep, dreams. They both sound so appealing, when you work so hard to hide. To hide what I really am, so you won't hurt. But who am I trying to protect, yourself or others. But would others know the diffrence if I took my mask off, the only ones who would know are the ones who I have shown my true self. But have I ever shown anyone? I just want to go back to sleep, my nice warm, soothing sleep.